Tuesday, September 20
another 5-hours-of-sleep day. and once again i feel fine and dandy. just spent the last hour decorating my new file. heh. printed out my favourite poems by anonymous poets, as well as one by carol ann duffy. a few of my own, because, hell i'm an egoistical pig. eating ritz cheese and crackers. yum. arghh pig pig pig.
just thinking about tomorrow clears away the cobwebs and the sorrows, til there's none.
yeah right.
i find i have nothing to say tonight. whirling memories. on the bus i thought of a song and almost started tearing. how pathetic. saw something on teresa's blog today. imagine, this screen that looks like a usual online convo screen. it went smth like this. can't really rmb.
a guy: ::waves:: bye!!
a girl: wait
guy: yeah?
girl: i love you [backspaces]
nevermind
guy: okay, later!
girl: bye
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
thinking of something i read once. while listening to 'all out of love'. a fanfic. where hermione was leaving harry [their relationship reminds me of a lesbian couple's - so much love it hurts] to go off with draco. and harry said, 'he doesn't love you like i do.' and hermione just looked at him sadly and said, 'no. but he can't hurt me like you can.'
it's so sad and beautiful and ache-y i end up clutching my heart just thinking about it. and yes that's what i think. maybe the reason why it's 'wrong' to be crooked is because you tend to invest too much. imagine the emotional needs of a girl, doubled. i imagine the relationship in the shape of a curve. sine curve, to be exact. i don't know why i need illustrations for theories. math is actually quite useful in marrying sense and sensibility. so if relationships take the form of sine curves, the amplitudes for homo relationships are much higher than those for hetero relationships. when you're high, you almost hit the sky. but when you're low, it's almost too much to take. and like the quote above.. he won't love you like she will, but he can't hurt you like she can. the only way to stay sane is to get off the monster rollercoaster and onto the junior one.
cynical, cynical me. and yet i still love love. ah well, the hell with all of that.
it must've been love.
9:09 pm
xoxo
